Reading by Starlight
by Raven De Crow
Summary: Hungry: "If I wasn't already married to you, this would be the time I would ask you to be my husband so you can make me this stuff whenever I wanted it." A collection of short stories.
1. Last Minutes

If you were asked, "If you only had one minute left to live, how would you spend that minute?" how would you respond?

The truth is I had asked myself that exact question many years back when I was probably her age. And at that time I hadn't known the answer. The only goal I had then was freeing myself from Easter. But here we are now, guardian character-less, four years later. I was laying on her bed much like I'd done years before, arms behind head as I stare at her ceiling. She was sitting at her desk tapping a pencil against her lower lip. It was very distracting.

"So? If you only had on minute left to live, what would you do?"

I thought about it deeply. For many moments I thought about this. What would I do in my last minute of life…

"I'd kiss you," I responded finally.

"K-kiss me?" She asked, stopping her pencil tapping and blushing deeply.

Truth was I was waiting for her to be of legal age before I did anything to her. Yes, that even meant kissing. Sure I left light kisses on her forehead, nose, or cheek, but I never explored deeper. And I will not even begin to explain how tempting she always was.

"Yes," I simply responded. "I'd kiss you."

There was a long quiet pause between us. "C-can you…" she trailed off. I waited to see if she finished her sentence before I asked.

"Can I what?" I asked, truly curious.

"Can you," she paused again. Her cheeks were red as she brought in a lung-full of air. "Can you show me?" She immediately averted her eyes from me as she looked out from her balcony window.

I lazily stretched on her bed then sat up. "Come here then," I told her. I didn't let any of my excitement leak through my voice. She asked, and she was now very close to legal age. I really couldn't give a rats ass if this went outside what I wanted for her, she asked for it.

She shyly got up from her desk chair as slowly walked over to the bed, head bent down. "W-w-what n-now?" She stuttered. She was nervous, I knew, but it was only her first kiss. I could tell she wanted to ask me why I hadn't kissed her yet over the years, but even with her questioning stare I wouldn't answer or acknowledge it.

I motioned with my index for her to come closer. Her neck was turning red, which meant she probably had one hell of a blush under her bangs which closed off her face from me. She crawled onto the bed, her left hand and right knee balancing her on it. I lifted my hand to her cheek, running my thumb along her job to indicate her to look up. When she did she was indeed blushing. "Very cute," I muttered out accidentally.

"S-shut up," she muttered back.

I chuckled lightly. She really was so cute.

I leaned forward, meeting her in the middle as she shifted forward on her hand and knee. I waited a moment before actually putting my lips on hers just to make sure this was what she wanted. She could still pull out if she wanted. She didn't resist. Didn't pull back. Didn't tell him to stop. Made no language in any form for him to stop, but enticed me as she slowly closed her eyes and faintly puckered out her lower lip.

It was a definite surprise to her that I lightly bit her lower lip before actually kissing her. She tensed, but fell against me and into the kiss. I began to move my lips, enticing her to move hers as well. I wanted to test these waters by running my tongue along her lower lip but decided that was for a different time. I pulled away from her, and it was her turn to surprise me. She followed me, her lips inches from mine until I was on my back as she was hovering over me and had her lips on mine again.

When she pulled away from me I was left breathless. Dammit and I had wanted to leave her breathless!

Finally I was able to speak. "What about you, Amu. What would you do if you knew there was only one more minute left to live?"

"I'd kiss you again," she said with a smug smile from my excessive need for air. "And then I'd stop time once only one second was left so I could continue to kiss you."

I smiled at this, nearly laughing for no reason. "Me too, me too Amu."


	2. Snowed In With A Stranger

It was snowing outside.

I was curled up on the couch with a boy I'd just met. Blue, cat like hair brushed against my neck, shimmering blue eyes hidden behind closed eyelids as he rested against my neck. Yes, we were spooning in the school's student lounge by a nice fireplace on a nice, worn, soft couch. We were the only ones here. Thinking back I still had no clue how I ended up here. 

I'd walked into the large room, ready to have a nice relaxing three hour wait for my next class to start. And there he was, resting on the couch. I didn't know him, but I'd seen him around campus some. "Hey," I called out, approaching him with my bag slung over my shoulder and my mask put perfectly in place. He grumbled in his sleep, moving some so he was no longer laying in the middle of the couch but on the edge. "Hey," I called again, closer and louder.

One eye opened, "Hey," he replied dully. He closed his eye as if I'd be satisfied with just that.

"Why are you here at this time?" I asked. It was around four and people were either in class or running home. These three hours I was usually the only one in the room with the small cases where someone would walk in, sit at a table for ten minutes, then leave.

"Got nothing better to do," he said.

"Hinamori Amu," I introduced myself, laying my bag against a table. His eye opened again to examine me. "My name." I clarified. He closed his eye again, almost seeming asleep now. It was moments before he introduced himself.

"Tsukiyomi Ikuto." I smiled, now satisfied. I knew my intruder now. I sat down across from him on another couch, pulling out a book to pass my time. I glanced over the pages and just realized how handsome the boy really was. Tanned skin, stone carved features with a sense of softness behind it, dressed in a black long sleeve and blue faded jeans. I blushed as he opened his eye again. He'd caught me staring. "Come here," he said, shifting so he could use his finger as emphasis.

I got up, placing my book down on the table and walked over to him. I completely missed the mischievous smirk till it was too late.

And here I am. Laying on the couch, not sure how I got here, being cuddled into. His arm wrapped around my waist, his other was my pillow, his head resting in the crook of my neck, and one of his legs curled right along the back of mine. I'd never done this kind of thing with anyone, and thus being very intimate for me. A deep blush burned my cheeks, my eyes scrunched shut, and my body completely tense. His warm breath hit my neck and every time I tried to suppress a flinch.

He pulled me closer to him, now feeling every inch of his body curved to mine. "Ease up a little, it's hard sleeping with a rock." Ease up? How was I able to ease up?

"H-How can I e-ease up?" I asked, cursing in my mind for my embarrassed stutter. I felt a heavy wave of his breath on my neck and shivered in response. "I-I can't ease up. Not with you this close to me."

He chuckled, letting loose a new kind of shiver. "Do you want me to make you loose, or do you want to do it yourself and save you and me both the trouble." He was right. I tried releasing my tense mussels, but only resulted in being even more tense than a rock. More like a huge bolder. He sighed, "You leave me no choice." This shiver was also new, one of anticipation.

I was once again left wondering how I'd ended up in this new position. Now I was rolled over, facing him. I felt his hand on the back of my knee. Then it rose some. "Are you nervous?" A new blush spread across my face. He was playing the nervous game with a complete stranger to make her not as tense? Was this guys logic sound? He rose his hand some more. "Nervous?" I nodded, eyes scrunched close, a blush coloring my cheeks. Obviously this wasn't good enough. "Nervous?" he asked again, raising some more. He was almost touching my but! I nodded even harder, biting my lip now.

"Open your eyes," he said, suddenly in my ear. It took me a few tries, but when I finally did open my eyes I was locked with deep blue and I was lost. He moved his hand so it was now on my lower back, and slid it so it was locked around my waist again. "Ah," he sighed. "Much better." I hadn't even realized it but I was as loose as a noodle. What kind of magic was this?

He cuddled into me again, using the side of my neck again as a pillow. "You smell nice," he hummed, almost sounding either drunk or half asleep already. "Strawberries and cream." That was the kind of shampoo I used. Another deep blush graced us with its presence.

"Y-You do too," I said, now just catching the whiff of chocolate and mint. It was addictive. It felt nice in his arms, only now did I realize. I completely turned to mush against him.

It was then that I heard someone walk into the space that was usually mine, but now also Ikuto's. Whoever it was paused in the doorway but didn't move forward or back from there. Ikuto shifted against me to see who it was that was disturbing his sleep again. His arm wrapped around my waist tightened. From this angle I was nuzzling into his neck, and once again I took in a whiff of his sent. My head spun. I'd never felt like this. Comfortable, addicted, and even at ease.

"What is it, Tadase?" Ikuto asked the boy in the doorway. I'd have probably shot out of Ikuto's grasp when I heard the name, but I was intoxicated. I bit my lip for a moment before trying something. It wasn't the best time, but I didn't care. I licked his neck, and lightly bit onto the same spot. Ikuto tensed next to me, then a shiver ran through his body which shook against me.

"Let Amu go," the boy said, I recognized the voice, a face filled my mind, and a memory flashed before my eyes.

It was a morning, just earlier the same day. Tadase had come up to me after one of my classes and asked me out. Tadase told me not to answer him till later so I couldn't answer him "yes" even though I'd had a crush on him for so long. He wanted me to think about it.

Now I was sucking the neck of someone I'd just met that also knew Tadase. I let Ikuto's skin slide from my teeth and licked the sore, red skin timidly. "What makes yo think she wants to leave?" His voice and in my ears like music. He was really good at covering up whatever he was feeling from my earlier treatment.

What the hell was wrong with me? Was I high? No. It wasn't possible. I'd never done drugs in my life, nor had I ever gotten close to them. So why was my brain so fuzzy? "Ikuto." I let his name slip from my lips in a whisper. I sounded out of breath, maybe even light headed.

"Amu!" Tadase's broke through to me, but it was far too late. I clung onto Ikuto's shirt as I turned my head to look at Tadase. It was very awkward, but I didn't want to move. "Why are you here with him?" When he mentioned Ikuto, he glared, hissed, and pointed angrily.

"Well I come here everyday for my evening break," I started. Tadase's eyes narrowed. "And he was here, and we talked." My neck began to hurt to I turned back towards Ikuto, resting my head on his arm again.

The over-com beeped to life over us, and across campus a voice was heard. "The snow had become too dangerous for students to stay on campus. Please evacuate and head straight home. We are closing the school. Please drive safely." I couldn't help but frown. I'd be missing one of my favorite classes, and if the snow got so bad the school was closing that meant the buses weren't running and I'd have to walk home. Walking home usually wouldn't be bad, except now I was curled against a warm body near a warm fire. I clung to Ikuto, pushing myself against him. I didn't want to leave.

"Well, Tadase, shouldn't you be running off home?" Ikuto asked in a teasing tone.

"N-not without Amu!" he nearly shouted into the almost empty room.

"Hmm, I think I'll take her home, so you don't need to worry about her, Tadase." I could just feel the smugness rolling off of Ikuto while fiery rage flung from Tadase.

"I'll call you later, Amu, to make sure you got home safe." With that he left.

I sighed into Ikuto. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to leave Ikuto. "Let's just stay here," I suggested. He chuckled, amused at my statement.

"We've got to go. Here, I'll take you home." He shifted, sitting up, bringing me with him. "You'll be safe and warm in your home."

"But I don't want to leave Ikuto," I mumbled into his shirt as I cuddled into him. "I'll make you dinner, for taking me home." Bribe. Bribe. Bribe. All I could really think was, "I just met him and I don't want to be separated from him. Do I like him?" No. I didn't like him yet. Once I got to know him though, I'm sure I'd be easily able to fall in love.

"That sounds nice." I got off of him so we could leave. Gathering our things we walked hand-in-hand out to the parking lot where his black car waited.

I could already tell that for the next week or two, I'd gradually fall in love with Ikuto and I couldn't wait.


	3. Shared Love

"I'm in the middle of a mid-life crisis and you're just laying there reading a gag manga?" Those were the first words I heard from her pretty little mouth when she came home from school. I gazed over at her. She _looked_ like she was having a mid-life crisis.

"Okay, tell me what happened."

I closed the manga, placed it on her shelf above her desk and made room for her on the bed. She came over, sat down, sighed loudly, then flung back so she was laying on her back, one arm over her eyes and the other balled into a fist at her side.

She let out another loud sigh before talking. "Okay, so there I was in my normal seat in the Royal Garden, next to Tadase." At the mention of the Prince's name I couldn't help but scowl. I wasn't going to like this story if it involved him. "Yaya was being loud about treats, Nagihiko and Rima were bickering about something so I thought I could maybe, you know, talk to Tadase and maybe get closer to him." Yup. I was definitely going to go to sleep wanting revenge on the little king tonight. "So I ask how his day was. I was completely ignored! He was too into Yaya to even hear me." She sighed heavily again. "I will never share love."

I wanted to grab her face between my hands, kiss her, and tell her if she wanted to share love then love me because I love her. The mental image was nice but it probably wasn't best trying to get myself kicked out of her room while I was in hiding. Anyways, she was in middle school. How could she be experiencing a mid-life crisis? "You want to share love, hmm?" I decided to say. It was just a simple question.

"Yes," she said it like it was completely and totally obvious.

"Does it matter with who? As long as they love you in return?" My eyes slipped shut as I let myself lay down next to her, my arms behind my head. Somehow, I imagined her scooting over, molding against me as I'd done to her so many nights before. I could imagine the feeling, having her arm wrapped around my torso, her head slightly resting on my side. I almost purred at the thought.

"Well, I guess not. If I loved them and they loved me. Isn't that what love is? Someone loving someone else and being loved by that someone else in return?" I smirked. No. Not really. That wasn't what love was.

"What goes through your mind when you think of Tadase?" I changed the subject. No matter how much I didn't want to hear it, I'd deal with it as my three part plan shifted into part two.

She flung her arm away from her eyes and to her side. "Well," she began in a day-dream voice that I couldn't help but wince at. "He's like a prince. He's kind, noble, and has everyone in mind when he does something. He wants to protect everyone close, and for that he's admired by everyone." I let one eye open to look at her. Yeah. Instant annoyance.

"What do you think of me?" Her face instantly changed.

"You?" A knot twisted in my stomach. "Why do you want to know what I think of you?" Though the knot loosened as a small blush became visible on her cheeks. Unlike with the king, where her eyes shot sparkles, when it came to me I'd always catch even the faintest blush on her cheeks.

"Just answer," I said, shifting so I was resting on my side now, watching her.

"Well," she paused. She was thinking deeply about this. "You tease me a lot, and I can't ever figure out if you're serious or not. I know you have a serious side, but I just can't tell when you tease." She paused again.

"Anything other than my relentless teasing?" My voice was cautious. I needed to tread light or I might be detected.

"You're sad. Depressed almost. I can't put my finger on it, but when I look in your eyes sometimes," she paused again. Her eyes were lost in thought. "All I see is sadness. And I can't help but feel sad too. There's this mysteriousness to you that I can't figure out." I waited for her to go on. She was still lost, and I wonder what it was she was thinking about. "Though, even with your teasing and sadness and mysteriousness I can't help but feel drawn to you." I let my heart give one loud thump in anticipation. "Sometimes I'd like to think it's because of the Humpty Lock, but…" I waited. Waited. Waited. "Ikuto, what do you see when you look at me?"

Her question caught me off guard. "Well," I began. It seemed when she was beginning a thought that's what she said so I mimicked. "I don't look at you to see who you are. If someone is blinded just by how someone looks, then how could they see who that person really is?" I set my gaze on her. Her eyes told me that wasn't what she asked but at the same time she liked the answer. "Before you try to make me answer by telling me I'm just weaseling my way out of answering you again, answer me one thing."

"But I already answered a lot of your questions," she said, rolling onto her side so she could see me.

"Just answer, okay, and I'll answer any question you have." I gazed at her, showing fully that I was being serious and I needed this question to be answered. She nodded, that small blush returning to her cheeks. "If you could share love with me, would you?" An instant deep blush formed on her cheeks, though I could tell she was trying to cool her skin down with her mind. It wasn't working for her. When she didn't answer, I added, "If Tadase didn't return your feelings, would you share love with me?"

"I-Ikuto! Stop teasing me," she stuttered. The blush wasn't going away. I sighed, trying to decided which to do first. I decided both at the same time was best.

I caressed her cheek while looking directly into her eyes, showing her how serious I was. "Amu, I'm asking a serious question, not teasing. Would you share love with me?" The blush seemed to get darker as my skin touched her, eyes locked with eyes, and me, ever so slowly getting closer to her.

"I don't understand," she muttered out softly. She was trembling under my touch now. I wanted to pull away. To tell her I was joking, just teasing, and leave. I didn't want to scare her, or make her angry with me, but at the same time the needing to know fought and won.

I wanted to sigh. I wanted to just tell her, "forget it then!" and roll onto the floor to sleep. I wanted to just kiss her senseless. I shifted so I could now cup her face in my hands. I could feel her pulse from her neck thump loud and fast against my lower fingers. "Please just answer me that." Her eyes were wide. Shock clear from my reflection in her wide orbs. My face was the most serious I'd seen it in a long time. I haven't felt so serious in a long time either so it made sense.

"I-I don't know," she said. "If you loved me, and I loved you, then yes." I sighed. That wasn't the answer I was looking for.

"Then do you love me?" If she was going to avoid it, then I'd just have to ask her straight out.

"I… I…" I leaned forward, nearly touching my forehead with hers. "I-Ikuto," she breathed out. "You're too close." I could feel her breath on my cheeks, on my lips, and neck.

"Just answer the question." My voice came out low, barely a whisper. "Just tell me." This time my forehead just rested on hers, nearly giving into the need to kiss her. I felt feverous. I held back my breath, waiting for any kind of answer.

"I…I…" Most the time, I adored her stuttering but now was not one of those moments. "I don't know. I don't know, Ikuto." Her eyes shone with the threat of tears. None that would spill, but the kind that just made your eyes glossy.

I sighed, moving away from her. I slipped off the bed and onto the floor, resting my back and head against the bed. Eyes closed, arms limp beside me, legs slightly bent, I felt like I could just fall into a deep sleep there. The fever feeling didn't leave my head, but a cold feeling did make its way into my already severely stitched up heart, trying to open a knew wound.

"Can I ask you questions now?" Her whispered voice quietly spoke as if spoken any louder someone might break. Her, or me, I didn't know which she feared for.

"Yeah," I just answered dully.

"Do you love me?" Another hopeful thump beat against my ribs but I ignored it this time. I wasn't going to get my hopes up.

"Yes," I answered truthfully.

"Why?" Another question that surprised me with another hopeful thump of the heart. Still, I ignored it.

"Because you're Amu. You always manage a smile no matter how bad things get. And when things do get that bad, when you can't seem to create a smile, you correct it. You keep an open mind, even when told something about someone you unconsciously wait to make your own decision of that person. You're a fair player for everyone. In your eyes no one has done anything wrong until proven guilty.

"You are kind to everyone you meet no matter how reluctant you are to put up your "Cool and Spicy" face and push them away. You have dreams of being able to become anything, and because of those dreams you have no matter how hard it gets you'll end up fulfilling those dreams. People don't give you credit for how much you work towards something, and it irritates you. You have your own sadness, and not many people can see that, can they?"

When I was almost done with my little speech, I hadn't even noticed that I'd spaced out while talking and now Amu was sitting right next to me, looking at me with curious eyes, though there was something else there I'd never seen before in her eyes.

"And because you've shone me so many faces that I know you'll never show anyone else." I gazed at her as she did the same to me. I leaned into her again. Sometimes I thought she might, just might, have some kind of magnetic force that shoved me towards her. "Yes, I love you Amu," I said again. My face was close to hers again, my lips begging for hers.

"Ikuto…" Just the way her lips moved to say my name. "I…" Just a little closer.

"Amu darling," her mother called up the stairs. "It's time for dinner."

I backed away from Amu, giving space between us. I'd completely forgotten where we were. We were at her house. I was hiding out here. We were the only ones who knew where I was. Her parent's didn't know I was here, in her room. For days. Maybe even a week now. I wasn't supposed to be here, I was reminded once again.

"Ikuto," her voice caught my attention. She hadn't moved yet from where she watched me. "Can I kiss you?" In response I just leaned forward, letting my eyes close only after hers fluttered close. My lips came to hers, in a short, sweet kiss.

"Go eat dinner, your parents will worry if you don't go down soon." She just nodded, though only stood, staring down at me for an instant longer.

"Will you be here when I get back?" She asked. I guess she'd seen my reluctance to being here earlier. I admit, I'd thought of leaving many times, but couldn't bring myself to doing so.

I just nodded. "Yeah, I'll be here." Once she left I instantly drew my fingers through my hair. What the hell had I just done?


	4. Touchy Feely Dream

My eyes fluttered open. The warm sun kissed my cheeks, the soft grass below brushed against my arms and legs and the wind curled over me, and at this moment I felt like I was in heaven. I turned my head to the person next to me, a blue haired, blue eyed, tanned skin man. He was gorgeous. Handsome even. And as my heart pounded out his name, my hand reached for him. Wanting to feel how his sun kissed skin felt below mine. I caressed his cheek. It felt intimate, but confusion swept over me as I couldn't put anything to what his skin felt like.

He rolled over to look at me, a small but growing smirk lining his lips. I wanted to feel them with mine. So I leaned forward, testing to see if he'd go for mine like I wished to go for his. He didn't move back, or even showed any sign that if I did kiss him he'd fight. So I inched closer again. Now, when I thought I'd feel his breath on my lips, I didn't. But I was close enough. Once again confused, I tested to see if I could feel any of him. Our lips locked, and sparks flew. My heart raced in my chest, drumming in my ears. Lips moved in rhythm and tongues collided. But why couldn't I feel any of this?

I moved away from him. A worried expression took on his features as mine shone in his eyes to be confused. And I was. Why couldn't I feel anything that I wanted to? I could feel the grass, the wind, the sun, but this man I could not feel. And it irritated me so! Why couldn't I?

"Hinamori Amu!" A great thud woke me from my dream. I shot up in my seat. A large dictionary rested on my desk close to where my head once was, and an angry teacher stood before me. "Maybe you should stop sleeping in class with a grin on your face and focus on school." A blush swept my face. Oh god, I'd been sleeping in school! In a class room surrounded by other people having a dream about... Who? My mind told me that logic said "Tadase," but my heart whispered, "No, someone else you hold deer."

Who was it that I dreamt about? That I wanted so badly to feel and kiss?

After class Rima came up to me, a questioning look in her eyes but I knew she wouldn't ask until we were somewhere secluded. We did find that one spot, under a nice big tree. It was after school now and all the students that weren't attending their extracurricular activities had vacated the campus.

"I had this dream," I began, feeling not only the sun on my skin but Rima's doe-like eyes shooting me with a questioning look. "I was laying in the grass with someone, and it was a nice feeling, but when I tried to... explore this person, I couldn't feel anything."

"What do you mean you couldn't feel anything?" I was glad she didn't ask about the exploring part, but I'm sure that'd come later.

"When I tried to touch him, I couldn't feel how his skin felt on mine. It irritated me, so I tried something else, and I still couldn't feel him. And I still don't understand why I couldn't. And what makes it worse is I have no clue who it was. I'm trying to tell myself it was Tadase, but I wouldn't set up a scene like that up in my head with him because laying on grass, taking a nap under the sun. It just doesn't seem like him. If I had a dream about him it'd be in a nice little cafe."

"Was it Nagihiko, Kukai, or Kairi? Or another boy you know?" I'm glad she hadn't started the "Haha you fell asleep in class dreaming about boys" thing.

"I don't think so. Something tells me blue." I thought about this. Blue. Blue. I had no clue.

"Blue?" Rima thought as well. A beep came from her pocket and as she pulled out her phone like she'd done days and weeks and months before, her mother or father was here at the school telling her to hurry it up. "I'm sorry, Amu, but I have to go." We exchanged smiles and she ran off towards the normal area her parents picked her up.

Sighing, I parted way with my slightly helpful but unhelpful friend. The park came into view after some time of walking. The sun just begged me to go lay in the grass, the warmth kissing my skin in such a way. Smiling, I thought that'd be a great idea. My parents weren't expecting me home any time soon.

I found the perfect resting place and rested against the cool grass. Water from the fountain became the only music. The lack of wind made the sun's heat seem all that more intense, the grass lightly kissing my skin sending small tickles through my senses.

"Ah, this is so nice," I told myself. Eyes closed, legs crossed, and arms behind my head as a cushion. Life is beautiful and nothing is wrong.

"Yeah," came a response I wasn't expecting. That voice, I knew that voice.

"I-Ikuto?" I rolled onto my side to examine my unexpected guest. He wasn't too far from where I lay and was mimicking how I was laying down. Arms behind head, eyes closed, and legs crossed. "When did you get here?"

"Just a moment ago. Saw you laying here and thought that maybe I've been somewhat of an influence on you."

I didn't answer with anything, instead I was in my own little mind. Why had his words sparked the memory of my dream earlier? It was like a countdown in my head. _Five. Four. Three. Two.__** One.**_

"You!" I yelled, shifting so now I was on my knees sitting right next to him.

Lazily, he opened one eye to examine my freakout. "And what about me?" He asked.

I couldn't believe I had a dream like that about Ikuto! "You," I repeated. He raised an eyebrow at my constant demand that didn't seem to have any meaning behind it.

"Yes," he said a little irritated but also amused. "What about me?"

An instant blush covered my cheeks. How could I explain to Ikuto that I'd had a dream about him in class with a stupid grin on my face? Not only that, but how could I explain that need in the dream? The wanting to feel him, and being aggravated that I couldn't so I attacked him with a kiss? No way would I be able to get away from his teasing if I did tell him.

"Close your eyes," my voice was a feeble whisper and after a cautious look from Ikuto, he finally closed his eyes.

Was the reason I couldn't feel him in my dream because I'd never actually felt his skin or lips? Now, as I hovered over him I wanted so bad to touch him, feel his tanned warm skin under mind. I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth as I bit onto it. Was this beyond our friendship? What I wanted to do, would he feel uncomfortable and push me away? Did he possibly want this like I did?

I didn't even notice my hand moving closer to his cheek until he tensed under my fingers, lightly running down his jaw. I waited a moment after he relaxed before I continued my scavenger hunt on his skin. I wondered for a moment why he tensed. Was he not used to being touched? Or was it that he was surprised by her?

My hand moved down from his face, to his neck then torso. Under my fingers his mussels twitched at the light touches I gave. From top to bottom, I felt his chest and stomach. I ran my hands back up, moving to his shoulders, paused a moment, then pulled away. I wanted to kiss him. One of his eyes opened, gazing at my flushed face cautiously.

"Why'd you stop?" It wasn't the question I was expecting though I'm sure he'd ask me later about it.

Instead of answering this question, I told him something else. "I fell asleep in class today," I began, a deep blush quickly becoming shades deeper as I went on. "You were in it." An eyebrow rose over his now fully open eyes with his full attention on me. I bit my bottom lip again.

"Hmm," He hummed. "So you had a dream about me." Instant blush worthy if I wasn't already doing so.

"I-I-I never said it was about you, j-just you were in it!" I protested. Slowly he smirked, which soon became full out chuckling. "W-what?"

"You had a dream about me while you were in class," he stated the obvious. "I bet you were grinning like a pervert too." Shock filled my expression. He clearly read it as, "how did you know?" Again he let a chuckle pass through his lips.

"I'm going home," I practically yelled as I stood, turned away from the handsome blue haired man, and promptly started walking away. It wasn't long before his footsteps drew in line with my own. "Why are you following me pervert?"

He chuckled again at some unknown joke. "I want to hear about this dream of yours. Since I was one of the main characters, I'm sure, I have all right to know." My eyes fell on him in curiosity. "And why it got you all touchy-feely."

Just as my face had cooled he just had to make me blush again.


	5. A Poem of You

I lost the moon while counting the stars.

And lost the stars while looking for the moon.

But all I ever found was you.

And suddenly the moon and stars weren't so important.

But when I got lost,

I'd still look for them.

And I'd find my way back to you.


	6. Hate Me Until I'm Something More

I'm known as a "playboy," "pervert," "heart-breaker" and "the enemy but friend" to you. To me you are the "enemy." An "enemy" that I've gotten to know and come to almost begin to like. But no, you won't believe that because I'm just making "fun" and my heart breaks just a bit. With so many chains surrounding my heart to restrict me from feeling anything, and to keep it together, you've somehow found your way to slither through those chains and stab your pretty little fingers into it. Does this make me hate you? No. But I want to. You're supposed to be the enemy. I'm supposed to hurt you, your friends, your would-be-selves. Your supposed to hate me because of it. But why do I always find you, save you, and find myself becoming closer to you? I need you to hate me. For if you cannot hate me like I hate me, than I cannot find the will within myself to hate you.

I turn to show you my worthless prize, an X-egg being squished between three fingers, and ease the two half's to one part again. I can feel the chains squeeze my heart, readying for too many things that will follow this one brake. "What are you going to do with that egg?" Your voice calls out to me, strong though colored with the reluctance of hearing the answer. You don't want to hate me. "Tell me! Were you the one who turned them into X-eggs?" You withdrawals a little, stating names of people who you've probably known with eggs drawn out of them and turned bad. "All of their eggs…" I don't answer you. I just stare, making sure you gets the message. You need to hate me. "Did you?" You screams at me.

Easily, I break the X-egg between my fingers.

Message received. You back away one step, shocked at what I just did. Your guardian characters, along with the other Guardian's charas arrive behind you saying how horrible I am. "The egg… What's going to happen to its owner and the character inside?" I don't answer. I don't need to.

"I've always known it's impossible for me to become a singer, realistically speaking." You looks over to the boy who's passing with his mother. His heart egg now crushed and his eyes vacant. He is just swallowing himself into a deeper depression with words, no time to see us as him mother has no time for us either, trying to cheer up her child.

"Just so you know…" I begin. The first time I've talked to you through this sick and twisted plan of mine. I try to keep my voice hard, distant, mean. Your attention is back on me. "Even without my help, most people break unneeded eggs. That's what happened to all the adults walking around with tired looks on their faces. They've long abandoned the egg holding who they wanted to be." My words, spilling from my mouth cold and harsh. Speaking nothing but truth left for your interoperation.

"No." Disbelief covers your speech, almost making me believe that there was some kind of hope inside you that keeps telling you, **no, he's deceiving you. He's good. He doesn't mean it**. "It was really you. You did all of it." Venom seeps through your words, once again digging your nails into my heart. I turn away from you, only in hope that you wont see my face, or my eyes. My eyes that secretly tell you, **no, please don't hate me. I don't know what I'll do if you hate me so much**. "I hate you!" You yell. "I hate you!" I can only stand still. Frozen in place by your hate strung words.

I've gotten you to hate me. So why don't I feel any better? But in fact worse?

Easily, you cleanses the eggs, letting them flutter off to their owners and I still remain, stuck in place. The place where I was left. You turn towards me, hate seething from your eyes, all directed at me. "I've made up my mind," you tell me. I can only look over my shoulder, hopping that it's either, **I will hate you forever**, or **I'll prove you innocent**. I get neither. "If Easter puts X's on everyone's eggs, then I'll cleanse them all!" I sigh, not knowing anymore what I'd hoped. In a way, it was still a **I hate you**, but an also, **I'll cleanse them all before you can break them, and thus saving your heart**. I'm so confused with myself now. I leave the little pack of Guardians behind, off to do my own thinking.

Why is it that in my heart, all I want to do is make you hate me so I can justify hating myself, but when I hear those words I feel like breaking? How does this one, single girl affect me so much? I tease you, and accidentally fall into some kind of clumsy trance around you. I save myself in time, every time, before I tell you my wish, show you some kind of emotion no one has seen, express my longing to be your friend and maybe even something more. Something more…

Something more…

Something more…

Something more like…

What kind of "something more" do I want to be with you? After arriving home, through the window no less, I rest upon my bed which I will easily make perfect later so no one will know of my coming home. No one needs to know. I rest my head on my arms which rest crossed on my pillow. What "something more" do I want with you? I mumble your name out loud, hardly even audible. I try to unravel the chained maze around my heart, trying to find an answer, but all I get is your name in a whisper. Calling out. My heart calls out to you, "I love you. Help me. Save me." And I understand. But I won't tell you. In your eyes, I am the "enemy" and just "teasing."

I'll just keep it to myself. Lock it away beneath the chains and just wait for you to poke at it with your pretty little fingers. I'll let you find it. God I hope you find it. I might just have to live with "teasing" you now and then again.

Great.

I make you hate me then I realize I like you more than just a potential friend. I say it's time for a nap. Anything to get my mind off you for one second.

"Hey, hey. Ikuto. Let's play." Before nap I might just have to duck tape Yoru's mouth shut and throw him in "detention." That sounds like a good idea.


	7. Blame it on the Book

"And then he woke up from a dream, running his fingers though his hair as sleep tried to pull him into another long, never ending dream."

Fury built inside me as the large book hit the wall across the room, falling to the floor with a second thud. "That book is shit." Regardless the time, I shouted the words from my mouth before a second thought came to my mind. Without a second passing a thud vibrated through the wall behind me from the apartment next door. Obviously I'd made enough of a loud commotion to wake up my neighbor at four in the morning on a tuesday only to receive his anger through being pound at through the wall that separated us.

"Great," I tried to whisper to myself. "Now it's four, I can't sleep, and I have to be up, getting ready for work in two hours, just because that shitty book ended with the "and he woke up" bullshit." I sighed loudly. I needed coffee. I needed to have at least seven shots of expresso in my blood system by time I rolled out of bed. Which would be in ten minutes. And now, today begins with a massive headache only to be greeted by a cranky boss and a ten hour shift.

Two hours passed easy while getting ready for work, two hours early with nothing better to do so for the remaining time I spent it at a nice little coffee shop two blocks away from work. Half the time I was sipping at the three different types of coffee I bought and half the time I was reading a book off the top of my "to read" pile. I just hoped this one was better than the last.

The bell over the door chimed as someone walked into the small local coffee shop. I probably would have looked up to see who, just out of curiosity, but I was twenty pages in and the book was already pulling me in. I quickly looked up after thinking that there was a large possibility of being late to work. Wasn't, but I did lock eyes with an extremely handsome man. He was leaning against the counter, waiting for his coffee and gazing my way. Behind him I saw Tadase, my main coffee maker and childhood friend, glaring at the man then lightly looking at me and giving a smile. I quickly went back to my book. I had thirty minutes until I had to make my way to work and I wanted to get to the next chapter.

No such thing would be given to me.

The blue haired stranger took his coffee from Tadase and headed straight towards me. He didn't ask, but instead just sat down across from me. Yes, this was a small cafe with only three tables but the other two were completely empty so why must he sit here with me? I glance over my book, locking eyes with beautiful and deep midnight blue. I almost lost myself. I jumped when the book from my hands fell onto the table with a "bam!" He chuckled as I stumbled over my own feet trying to find what page I was on while trying to hide the ever so evident blush that drew flames on my cheeks.

"What's so funny?" I ask, sitting back with the book in front of me once again. **It was a friendly sound, and it made her think of hot tea by a sizzling fire, a good book read on a lazy afternoon, a nap on the sofa in early evening.** Not only had I just started this book but the sentence that I'd just read was already forgotten. My eyes once again locked onto the mysterious man across the table. Just the way his slender fingers held the cup, how he lazily rested one elbow on the table, and how a smirk never seemed to leave his lips made that cursed blush of mine make another appearance upon my cheeks. "What is up with you?" I ask, trying to get some kind of response out of him.

"Oh, I'm just a man who was woken up at some un-godly hour and decided to get some coffee. Perhaps I was just looking for some stimulating conversation before I start the day." I nearly fell out of my chair at how unbelievably sexy his voice was. Tall, dark and handsome, I'll welcome you to have coffee with me any time you want. Though would I say that out loud? No. Would I have thought it on any normal occasion? Most definitely not. So why was I now? No clue except for this man who kept staring at me from across this too small table, he always seemed to know how to make me blush.

I didn't know if I should ask why he woke up so early or what woke him up so early, but to play it safe I chose the later. "What was it that woke you up so early this morning?" I placed my book down, trying to give off a friendly but not overly friendly vibe. He seemed almost harmless. Almost.

"I'm not quite sure. For reasons unknown to me my next door neighbor was up all night doing who knows what and... Correct me if I'm wrong, threw something across the room then cursed loudly." His eyes were full of mischievousness and humor while his words were laced with hidden amusement under pure seriousness.

It took me many more moments than it should have. A fierce blush spread over my cheeks once more. I nervously looked to Tadase who was trying not to look too interested in our conversation. When my gaze fell back to the man sitting across from me all I saw was pure amusement. "Um..." I tried to start. "I am so sorry about this morning. I... I... Can you forgive me for that?"

He posed in a fake thinking stance, obviously drawing out this realization that he was my neighbor. Or at least the one I woke up this morning. Deep down I was a little scared that he wouldn't forgive me, however the obvious sarcasm in his "thinking" pose said otherwise. He would. He just wanted to push my buttons. "Sure." I released the breath I didn't know I was holding. "On one condition." And I drew it right back in to be held. I cautiously looked at him.

"Yes?" I ask after he didn't continue, still holding my breath.

"Go out with me to dinner tonight." I didn't have time to give my answer. He just stood, scraping the chair against the floor. "I'll pick you up your apartment around eight so be ready." My jaw dropped. I had no say in this? Obviously not. And before I could even think of telling him that I'll be there like a polite lady would, he was gone. I looked over to Tadase for possible answers on what had just happened but was only met with a working back. I'd been left out on my own to figure this one out.

Just. Great.

Oh, and I was almost late to work if I hadn't ran.

I could not begin to explain how amazing the view was from up here. I could see all of the city. Now I knew why he told me to change into something more fancy. The lights making the city look like little fires sending signals. I could almost make out the river that separates the north side from the south side, neither better or worse. I had to keep my jaw clenched in fear that it'd drop wide open at my shock. How could he afford this kind of restaurant? And it must require a reservation with the kind of service at the front door.

"They say that this is the best view of the city," he said in my ear. Involuntary, a shiver shook my whole body. I could nearly feel his body lining my back as he chucked. "Shall we sit down and order so our waitress can leave us in privacy?" he whispered in my ear, making sure said girl didn't hear. I just nodded and sat down, and he across from me.

"Anything to drink?" she was looking at me so I quickly looked through the wine section, I wasn't driving so I was safe.

"I'd like a glass of Burgundy red wine please." I said back then looked to the man across from me, who introduced himself as "Tsukiyomi Ikuto, but because it's you, you can just call me Ikuto" at the door. He looked quickly at the menu.

"I'll have the finest of what she's having." I almost wanted to tell him he couldn't because he was driving, but since I didn't know him all that well I held myself back.

"So, Amu," he said after the waitress left. "How old are you?"

"I'm twenty two." I responded in a light, shy voice as I gazed out on the scenery. It was magnificent.

"Tell me about you," He was looking through the menu when I looked back at him. I decided to do the same.

"Just a small town girl, living to what she thought was a lonely world. Once she turned eighteen she took the train going anywhere," I was about to continue when he held up a hand, stopping me.

"Are you just copying Journey's "Don't Stop Believing?" He asked me and I had to hold back a laugh. Yes, I kind of was but that was my story. Or at least that part.

"In a way, I guess you could say. Now I wouldn't say that wasn't my story and I was just making it up but if I was making up a story I'd borrow one of the Beatle's songs. Make it sound maybe a little more glamorous." He chucked and I let myself giggle along.

"Continue," He said. "Please."

"Okay, so after she took the train she ended up a town over from here, she tried to make it big as anything. Tried being an artist. Tried getting published. Tried music. Tried going to college too. Nothing seemed to work out. Then this amazing guy picked her up. They were together for three months before she moved out into her own apartment. Sure she owed her job to him but she didn't feel like that was the place she could stay up all night reading a shitty novel or writing one herself. She settled down in a little apartment and stayed there for nine months before she read the most horrible book ever created to man and threw it at the wall at four in the morning. That morning she was at a nice little coffee shop that she always goes to and met a strange, handsome, and persistent man who insisted that she go on a date with him. And he left before she could even deny the poor man. I hope he isn't waiting for me at home. Though I'd much rather be sitting across the table with you than with him."

"Glad to know I wasn't the strange, handsome and persistent guy, which makes me think,"he paused before asking, "what do you think of me?"

"Strange. Handsome. Persistent. And quite lovely for taking me out here to the best view in the city." He gave me a look that just asked, "Lovely? Just because of this?" I giggled to myself. "I would never have dreamed that I'd be able to go to a place like this, or see a sight like this one." My gaze had shifted out the window at the beginning of my explanation, though I really had no clue why I was letting him know me so well. Maybe it was because I've been lonely lately, only surrounded by books and coffee.

"Have you decided on what you want?" The waitress appeared out of nowhere, making me jump in my seat.

"Yes," Ikuto answered and told her what he was having. Since I really hadn't looked over the menu, and I was feeling a little adventurous and trusting. I just said, "I'll have what he's having." He smirked at me, my response obviously amusing him.

"I seem to amuse you a lot. Now it's your turn to tell me a story." Our eyes locked and as he told me his story his eyes never straying away from mine.

"Woken up at four in the morning by some noise I found myself not being able to go to sleep after pounding back on the wall to my unknown neighbor's apartment. Took a shower then just decided to sit by the window. That's when I saw my neighbor leave. Pink hair, something that wasn't hard to find. Since it was early and it seemed like she was up all night, I decided to leave confronting her for later. Didn't know that "later" would be when I was just stopping by at a coffee shop while I was out on my walk, soon to return to my apartment afterwards. I decided I might want to chat with her then, see what kind of person she was. Since I had reservations here and my girlfriend had broken up with me two weeks earlier, I decided why not invite the pink haired, golden eyed, neighbor of mine who woke me up at four? Didn't know that I'd find her this interesting and for some strange reason, wanting to just reach across the table to stroke her cheek."

A blush spread across my cheeks like a wildfire at his last sentence. He did just as he wanted to do. He reached over and lightly ran the back of his fingers along my jaw, also lightly brushing my cheek.

And then the waitress came with our food, ruining the moment that could have happened.

We exchanged small talk about ourselves while we were eating. I'd found that I had no clue what I was eating but it was quite yummy. On the ride home he used one hand while driving, gently holding my hand with the other. It was warm, and comfortable, but I definitely needed time before this became something serious. Or maybe, for some bizarre reason, in the little time that I'd know Ikuto I'd come to trust and kind of like him. I felt myself sink into the chair. Maybe I'm just being stupid? He did say his girlfriend broke up with him, so maybe I'm just one of those people that is used to make someone else feel better after a break up.

"Amu." My name brought be out of my darkening thoughts. Looking over at Ikuto, his eyes were still on the road but sometimes glancing over at me ever so often (I could see that much in the dashboard light). "I like you, Amu, I will tell you that, but right now I just don't think I can get into any kind of relationship with another girl."

Five glasses of wine later definitely helped me out on saying, "Maybe we should get you some more wine and see what you think after that," without blushing or stuttering. He laughed loudly, actually laughed, running his thumb over my hand.

"That sounds like a great idea. But I'll have to decline. You need sleep tonight and I wouldn't be the one that will be able to provide that to you if I drink much more." I didn't hold back my pout. "Maybe another time though."

We pulled up into the apartment complex's parking lot. He helped me out of the car, even though I really didn't need it, and walked me to my door. He lightly kissed my forehead before wishing me goodnight and vanishing through his door. I kind of wanted to see what his apartment looked like, and if I hadn't already lived with a man for a short time I probably would have been achingly curious. Another time, he said. I nodded to myself before unlocking my door, letting myself in, stripping off my cloths and changing into pajamas and easily falling asleep.

Another time.


	8. Looking For Home Chara Edition

He was always playing tricks.  
>Taking their fun things, while giving them a scare in return with traps hidden.<br>Childish little kitten.  
>Stuck in the rain with his sorrows alone with no help because of his mean hobby.<br>Though the three sisters were worried no matter the tricks, they stayed inside where it was warm and dry.  
>His running was coming short, as his nightmares were catching up to him and quick.<br>Maze after maze.  
>Loop after loop.<br>He ran.  
>Alleyways no longer hid him from those who crawled best in dark places.<br>He hid on the top of a tall building with lights flashing and the moon bright.  
>Cloudless sky revealed stars, and three which shot across the sky with the colors pink, blue and green.<br>Hope.  
>The three sisters searched for the little kitten, worried that the worst had happened.<br>It was starry, dark, and the nightmares were just lurking around the corner.  
>Just as he was about to lose hope, gazing into the full moon for one last wish.<br>They appeared.  
>Three shimmering stars falling from the moon to rescue their poor frightened kitten.<br>The light that shone from then, frightening the nightmares away.  
>Yoru had never been so truly happy to see Ran, Miki, and Su.<br>Jumping to their open arms of rescue, they accepted him for all his teasing and tricks.  
>He had found a home with light and warmth which no nightmare would dare threaten.<br>He was home.


	9. Fighting

We were fighting again.

"Do you know how it feels to have the girl you like telling you to go date other girls?" He said in a threateningly low voice. His face was hidden from me, though it was from my own cowardice to not look at him. I don't know what I would do if I looked at him in this moment. I felt too angry.

"Well, I'm not going to be "grown up," I stressed the words, "for another year and a half. Since it's so killing you, why not go mess around with other girls to help your sexual frustration! 'Cause I'm not "old enough," once again I stressed the words, "I'm not allowed to do anything. What are you, my guardian now? What's stopping me from pushing you down? Oh yeah! Because I'm not mature enough!" My voice had started in a low key, just above a whisper. But as I continues to talk my voice rose like a crescendo; by the end I was screaming.

We were in his little apartment on the outskirts of town, sitting across from each other at the wood table in his dining room. It wasn't fair. He wasn't being fair... I wasn't being fair. I knew that but it made me so mad sometimes. He would complain about not being able to hold me, how I was cruel for tempting him, how he'd dream about me in such a way that it hurt him. This was the main thing we fought about. How he was older than me, an adult, but I was still a child and needed to maintain all my innocence and for him not to go to jail for being with someone "juvenile." Someone under the proper "adult age."

He was silent for far longer than I wanted him to be. When he finally spoke it brought shivers up my spine. "Fine." It was one word. He had said just one word, and in such a way that it could be left open for interoperation. Was he giving in to me? Letting me do what I want? Or is he going to go out and find other girls? Replace me for a year and a half? Or has he given up on everything? Were we over now?

I couldn't say anything though. All of my words were stuck in my throat. I flinched when he suddenly stood, the chair he was sitting it sliding across the linoleum floor, his hands pounding down on the wood table. I didn't dare look at him. With just imagining the look on his face brought tears to my eyes. I looked only between the table and the floor. I tried not to concentrate on the sound of his steps as he made his way around the table, to me. He stood in front of me, more like beside me, to my right; I could feel his eyes on me.

He kneeled down. I closed my eyes so tight that I could feel a headache beginning to pound in my head. I tried not to flinch too obviously when I felt his hand on my cheek, urging me to look at him. I opened my eyes slowly, letting the blue blur that he was to my watery eyes come into more focus. "Amu," he began, "I will always keep liking you. I will never stop liking you." He stressed the words, trying to make me understand. "There is no one else out there that I want more than you."

I instantly felt bad about starting a fight between us when he would be leaving so soon to return to the orchestra. I was waisting the time we had together starting fights. I was holding too tightly onto his words, even if they were just teasing ones only meant to make me blush. I still couldn't talk. I still felt the burn deep inside, my anger just waiting to flare up and explode. Though there was also a watery feeling in my head, tears just waiting to burst. I opened and closed my mouth many times before giving up. All I wanted to do was apologize and scream angrily at him. It was two extremes that I couldn't take.

He slid me towards him, lifting me off my chair and hugged me close. I couldn't take it anymore. I cried. Tears fell, and it was harder to let them fall that I had thought with all the pressure built up inside of me. A choked sob racked my body into a string of shudders. I tightly wrapped my arms around his neck as he carried me off. I ran my fingers through his hair, something I started to do after a while when I craved comfort.

He rocked me in his arms and started to hum a low song from a movie trailer I had once gleefully watched for a month straight any time I could catch it. "The fire was red," he sang out loud, the only part he remembered, then continued to hum the rest. I could feel the buzz from where one hand rested on his neck and the other in his hair, right above where his skull and spinal cord met.

I scoffed at how ironic this was. Just after we had a fight about our age difference, he treats me like I'm a child that needs to be cooed to sleep. Acting exactly like a parental-unit. And I was perfectly playing the part of the child. "Stop, Ikuto," I said, mustering up all the anger that had sizzled away from his humming. "Stop," I repeated when he continued to rock and hum. "Stop!" I yelled, making him freeze and wince at the loudness of my voice. I pulled away from him, keeping myself balanced on his shoulders as I clutched them. "Put me down."

"I don't want to," he said. I inwardly winced at his eyes; so emotionless and masking everything else he must have felt with uncaring depths. He was so good at masking his emotions away from everyone, even me, and every time he did I would be left with that deep feeling of guilt. I must have done something wrong, again, I would think. It was so hard for me to be grown up enough for Ikuto. It was so hard to know what to do or so to make him happy, and what not to do or say.

"Please," I finally whimpered, curling into him again as I rested my forehead against the crook of his neck.

He didn't say anything, instead he just walked. Only a few moments passed before I was thrown from him and into cushion. The one thing I really liked about his bed was that you could lay on his comforter and just sink into it. The sides would rise around you and you could still feel the cushion from below you. It was the supreme place of comfort. Until you added cruel words like, "temptation" and "this is where I dream of you but know that time will not let me hold you yet."

He was laying next to me, wrapping his arms around my waist as he pulled me to him. My back was to his chest as we spooned, and I knew he could feel my heart hammering in my chest. He usually did everything he could to avoid close cuddling that could be in the slightest suggestive, or anything more than the little touches he would give me to show he still cared. He still wanted me. "Amu," he whispered into my ear. I shuddered against the hot breath that assaulted my ear and at the way he had called out to me.

"I-Ikuto." I could still feel the tears in my eyes, stinging at them. I let out all my breath as I tried to line myself closer to him. "Please," I whimpered out again.

"I can't."

I shook again, all these emotions clashing up inside of me. This movement, however, was also induced by the emotions in his voice; pain, yearning, restriction. I could feel his heart clench against my own. He knew what I wanted, he knew so much about me yet he just couldn't do it. He already felt that he was going further than we were allowed. He was just as uncertain as I was about our relationship, about our age different, about how soon it would be all right. But soon wasn't coming soon enough. Soon was taking its damned time to get here.

"If you can't then stop hugging me like you are now," I said breathlessly. "It's making me have high hopes for something different." A blush spread across my face, knowing exactly what I was implying.

He chuckled humorlessly. "I'm telling myself the same thing right now," I could feel him lean in closer as he paused. "Perverted kid." He nipped on my earlobe, which would have usually had brought me at least a foot away from him but now only made me lean against him and catch my breath in a hiss. "Amu," he growled in warning.

"What?" I asked, truly confused on what I had done now. The only thing that left me not totally confused was how his voice had sounded when he had growled my name. It was needy, dark, lustful.

"If you keep pressing up against me I will never be able to let you leave. Right now I need you to scoot over." As if his body was denying his words, his arms squeezed me closer to him, leaving me breathless. I couldn't understand why he wouldn't want me this close. I was in pure bliss being able to cuddle close to him. It felt so right to do this.

"Why?" I asked, wearing of his answer. Usually when I was getting to close to what he thought was the "danger zone," he would either back off or ask me to. I was pretty sure we were in the "danger zone" right now.

"Just," he paused, probably reconsidering his words, "Please."

He didn't want to start a fight and neither did I. I still felt guilty about having started the fight not thirty minutes ago. I scooted as far as his arms let me and turned around in his arms so I could see his face so I could touch him since he was allowed to touch me. He looked pained, either regretting having me scoot away or for putting us in this situation in the first place. I ran two fingers down his jawline, feeling him tense underneath my fingers. It was easier to get both angles of his jaw like this and I liked it, though I couldn't tell if he did it for that fact or another.

He looked incredibly vulnerable under my hand. I must really be torturing him. Dangling all the promises in front of his face then having them pulled away because of restrictions. I pulled my hand away, bringing it to my chin in thought. He relaxed, breathing out a sigh through his nose. "You know what," I said, waiting for his eyes to open for me to continue. "I want a red blender when I move into my own place." I almost tripped, saying, when I move into your place, but we hadn't really talked about any of that.

He stared at me for a long, long moment. All was emotionless across his face as he stared at me. "A red blender?" he asked out loud. "I refuse." I must have made a funny face because just as I felt shock of some kind, perhaps a little betrayal mixed in, he smirked. "How about a black blender? Or a sleek silver one."

"No! I yelled, lightly hitting his shoulder to just show him how much I didn't like the idea. "I was a red blender. You can have your "sleek silver," I said in a taunting voice, "one, but I want my red one!"

He chuckled. "But why would we need two blenders? Isn't that a little strange?" I felt my cheeks catch flame at his words and my heart give a hopeful thump. No. I wouldn't bend to him this time!

"But the red ones look better. And It would match with my dream kettle. A red little kettle to go with my red blender." I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest as he brought his arms away from my waist so that he could lift his head up and have it resting on something.

"But a black or silver kettle would be less expensive. It would match with my silver coffee maker. I already own that." He smirked, seeing the surprised yet angered face I made at the realization that he did own a coffee maker already; there went my dream of a red coffee maker.

"No fair!" I yelled, puffing out my pink toned cheeks. "You got to move out faster then I get to. You have a head start."

He laughed, a short laugh that made my blush all-the-more darker. "You are unbearably cute."

"Ikuto!" I yelled, blushing madly at his words. "I still want my red blender though!"

We were fighting again...


	10. I Wanna Live for You

**Step by step. Heart to heart. Left, right, left. We all fall down.**

**Like toy soldiers.**

It smells like hospital. The stench fills my nostrils and gags my throat closed. I feel the sick. The vomiting feeling builds in my lower stomach and begins to raise to my closed throat. I shoot up from my bed, retching everything inside me to come out. Get it out. But all I do is cough. I lay back down. I feel so sick. I feel like I'm drowning in myself.

I'm so tired.

Take it away.

I don't want to be here.

Not anymore.

Leave me alone!

**Tell me when I'm gonna live again. Tell me when this fear will end. Tell me when I'm gonna feel inside. **

**Tell me when I'll feel alright.**

Beads of sweat run between my brows. My side aches as I curl my arms around myself. I rub my face against my pillow in fein hope that it'll rub the sweat away. I hurt. I let a moan release from my lips as another wave of nausea sets in. Tears form in my eyes and I can feel myself getting close to breaking down again. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be at home with my family. I didn't want to be sick anymore. I wanted to be able to see their faces. Why was I awake only at night? Why was it night when the oceanic wave of vomit keep me up till I was too warn out to stay awake to see the raising sun? I didn't want to be in the hospital anymore.

Another wave hit me and this time I jumped from my bed, running to the bathroom with my god-forsaken "pole of needs." I landed hard against the toilet, arms clutching the sides while I retched what little I had inside, out. I kept going and going until I was just dry-heaving. I coughed, almost done

A nurse appeared by my side and held my hair. I hadn't even noticed her there. "Oh you're at it again. It's such a shame someone as cute as you can't go out." I tried to glare at her but another round of dry-heaving came on. I wanted to tell her how much I hated it here. I wanted to tell her to screw off. I wasn't in the mood for false pity.

I was surprised that another round of vomit came from me.

Why couldn't this just end?

Why couldn't I go home?

Why couldn't I just sleep?

**I am dead to you. A shadow doomed. My love forever in the dark. And of all untruths, the truest is you. Too close to my heart.**

**Oh. My love.**

"Oh, honey, you don't want to go in there." A nurse warded me off.

"No," I reassured again. "I do." She tried to shove against me again, but I stood my ground as I tried to get into the hospital room of the girl I'd fallen in love with. "I am going to go in there with your permission or without it. I need to see her." I strained the word "need" to have a possible chance to express how much I really did need to. "I haven't seen her for more than two years. I need to see her."

"I'm sorry sir, but there is another boy in there right now who doesn't want anyone to disturb them." I gritted my teeth at her words.

"I. Don't. Care." I growled. "I am going to see her either way." I slammed my fist past her and into the wall. I was drawing close to the end of my line and the end of my luck. "Now let me past." She did so while shaking, nodding with fear in her eyes.

Sliding the door open as quietly as possible still received a turn of the head from the blond boy sitting next to a hospital bed. Tadase. "Big brother?" He asked in wonder. "When did you come back?"

That's right. After being gone on tour with a famous orchestra for two years I'd finally come back to Japan. I'd known from Utau's texts that Amu was in the hospital so once my plane landed I took the first taxi I could get to bring me here. The hospital. The first person I wanted to see coming back was Amu. I really didn't want to see anyone else but Amu. So why was he here?

"An hour ago. I came right over," I wanted to mumble, but spoke just loud enough for him to hear.

"Where are your bags?" I knew Tadase was only being curious but I didn't want any crap at the moment that could stall me from seeing Amu. Besides, they didn't want me coming up to her room with all my stuff so they were holding it at the main desk.

"Can I see Amu?" I retorted back. I didn't know why I felt as if I needed permission from the boy except that I had faintly heard that Amu and Tadase had a experimental period where they dated. I still didn't know if they were.

"Of course! Do you want me to leave for a while so you can have some alone time?" I felt so relieved that he asked. I didn't want to feel rude throwing him out of the room, which I was now imagining, and locking the door.

"Please." He left silently, giving a pause at the door to look back.

I walked up to the bed, pushing the chair Tadase had been using and just sat on the edge of the hospital bed. She looked absolutely pail and shrunken in. Her hair was a mess and it seemed that she hadn't gotten much sleep. I wanted to wake her up, shake her and demand that she tells me why she looks like shit, though still so beautiful. Why was she here? He wanted to see her eyes. To hug her. He wanted to tell her how much he missed her and be told that she missed him too.

Why didn't she wake up to him being there?

He got up from the bed just as someone walked in. Turned out to be the nurse poking her head in to make sure there wasn't any changed. She quickly left though. Sighing, I walked over to the window. It was almost five now. Night was approaching and visiting hours would soon be over. Sighing once more, I returned to Amu's side. Brushing some hair from her face I slowly bent down, my face so close to hers. I wanted to kiss her.

But I didn't.

I pulled away and returned to the window to look out to the clear, darkening sky.

**Save tonight, and fight the break of dawn. Come tomorrow...**

**Tomorrow I'll be gone.**

It was night again, and my stomach tried to once again lurch out of my body. I was tired. I was sick. I was going to die soon. I could feel my body giving away. It was giving up. Because of the amount of acid I puked up on a daily basis the lining of my throat was deteriorating much like the rest of my body. I wanted to live. I wanted to be with my family and friends again like I used to be.

But everything changed.

I got sick one day and just didn't get better. Some stomach virus. A bacteria that keeps growing and growing. The doctors tried and are still trying to figure out a way to get rid of it. They said they'll keep testing the bacteria but my last resort might be chemotherapy, but with the state my body already was in made the procedure more dangerous than normal. I was becoming a hopeless case that people would give up on, but before that I knew I'd end up giving up on myself.

I was surprised that this night I didn't throw up but in fact went between consciousness and sleeping. When my eyes open once more to my stomach rolling I saw blue. Why blue? And it was light out.

I sat up quickly and moved with my "pole of needs" and bolted for the bathroom. I didn't care if the door closed behind me or not because I could already feel the vomit reaching the back of my mouth. It had far been a normal procedure for me. Run to bathroom. Hands thrown on side of toilet. Throw up vigorously. Someone pulls back hair so it doesn't get contaminated with stomach acid. Dry-heave. Trow up some more until I pass out.

But it felt strange now. The fingers which brought my hair away from my face were soothing. The person dragged back my hair with both hands only to distribute the unhealthy hair into one hand. Their fingers ran along my spine, giving small massages with their thumb and forefinger. I instantly felt better after finishing my round of puke. I wanted to see who was relieving my neck of the tension I'd built up there but it felt too good to move.

"What happened to you wile I was away, Amu?"

I felt nausea building up again in my stomach as I realized just who was making me not feel so sick, and who was helping me hold my hair as I violently threw up. Ikuto. After so long of not being able to hear from him this is how we had to officially meet again. In my hospital room as I vomit all I have inside and a little more out. What was probably worse was the knowledge that I wouldn't be able to see him again. Or anyone else.

I was so weak. So tired. So through with all of this.

My mind and body were betraying my want to live and be with the ones I love. They were leaving me behind to fight a meaningless fight alone.

"I-Ikuto?" I chocked out finally.

"Yeah, Amu. It's me."

Tears came faster than I'd realized they would when I saw Ikuto next. They came upon me so hard I curled over the toilet. The muscles in my stomach flexed with every gasp I took. "Ikuto," I cried his name. "Ikuto." He took his hand off my back to flush the toilet and then lightly let down my hair and picked me up with both hands. "Ikuto," I cried once more. "You're back. You're finally back!" He laid me down and carefully made sure everything between me and my "pole of needs" were still connected. "I can't believe you're back!"

"Shh," he whispered into my ear after leaning down. "Shh, it's okay."

Tears just came faster and more fierce. "No, it's not," I cried. "I'm dying." I covered my eyes with the back of my hands. The tears just wouldn't stop. "I'm dying. I'm dying, Ikuto." For once it wasn't my stomach that hurt, but my heart. "I won't be able to be with you, or my family, or Tadase or any of my other friends," I squeaked out through my tears.

"You won't die. I promise you, Amu, you won't die." His words were little, and they reassured me that maybe I still had a chance, but deep down I knew my time was already up. I already just wanted to sleep the day away. I just wanted to sleep. "Amu, I promise you." I nodded numbly, laying my hands back down to my sides.

"Okay. If you say so, I'll believe you." He nodded, though now that I could see his eyes I could read what little hope he had for his words. He saw me. He knew I was dying. He knew his words helped me, but he also knew how much of a lie they were. So I'll just hang onto them. Words of hope as my last gift. "Okay," I repeated. "I believe you."

**Teardrop on the fire...**

**Fearless on my breath**

I heard her little sister crying. Her father was hugging his wife close. Her patch of close friends near the front, all together as they wept, and they will never see her again. Though none of us will. I stood all the way in the back. I didn't want people to see me. I didn't want them to notice tears of my own for the girl I held so dear and close to me. I didn't want people to know my connection to her. I wanted what we had to be ours alone, so I wanted to hold it close.

For this one day I will be selfish with myself and keep all that is her close to me.

I didn't want to loose her.

But it was all "for the best."

Another thick tear slid down my already moist cheek. "I promise," I murmured under a whisper. "I promise."

People came and went from the funeral. The only people who now remained were her mother, father, younger sister, and myself. They had moved to stand right in front of her open casket while gazing down at her lifeless face. I now sat in the middle row of the funeral home and church combination. I wanted to be alone with her for at least four minutes. I wanted to play her a song.

"Tsukiyomi Ikuto, right?" I looked to my side to see Amu's mother standing with Amu's little sister in her arms as she cried on her mother's shoulder.

"Yeah," I simply answered. I gazed back at the coffin in which Amu laid but I had yet to go see.

"It's nice to meet you. I'm sure you were close friends with Amu. She never mentioned you so she must have wanted to hoard you all to herself." I chuckled darkly at this.

"Something like that, I guess you could say." I tried to give her a warm smile. "I know that I wanted to hoard her all to myself." I wanted it to come out light, almost joking but instead the words came out chocked. "Could you let me have a few moment with her alone? I want to give her something." I almost wanted to motion to my violin case that sat next to me, but instead I just remained still. I didn't want to push much of my luck.

"Oh! Yes. Of course." With that Amu's parents and younger sister left the area. Leaving me alone in the large room with my love's dead body.

I stood after some minutes. Minutes that I was scared to move. Move to confirm that my fears were right and this wasn't a dream. That Amu was, in fact, dead.

I didn't look down at her while I took my stance in front of her with my violin resting under my chin and against my shoulder. My fingers moved to the beginning notes of the sad and lonely but beautiful song I usually played, though quickly corrected myself. This was a happy song. A song I wrote while thinking of Amu while I was away doing my concerts.

Snapping the bow against the strings and pressing down on the neck I quickly moved into a nice, happy song.

I wanted to cry for her.

So why couldn't I?

When the song came to a slow end, I left my eyes closed. I didn't want to see her, not being able to smile at my song. Joyous that something that wasn't horridly sad could be produced by me. When I finally opened my eyes, I immediately looked down and put my violin away. Closing the case with two easy 'clicks.' I left it on the floor.

Her face was horrid with so much makeup on it. She looked so much more beautiful even with the sickness biting at her skin. I placed my hand against her cheek. "I wrote that for you, while I was away traveling the world. I didn't know. I'm sorry, Amu. I didn't know." I felt almost pathetic breaking down in front of the girl I love, even if she was dead, and even if she never fully accepted my feelings.

"Amu, I wanna live for you." I chocked on my words. "I want you to live. I want you to be here right now with me. I don't want you to-" I couldn't finish my words. I was sounding just like a child. A child that would become pitied and a child I had once told Utau that we could not be. "Amu. I didn't know. I named that song, I wanna live for you. I didn't know." I sighed, pushing back all the tears, all the sorrow, all the pain. I shoved it away.

I'll be happy.

That's what Amu would want for everyone.

Everyone.

So I'll keep playing, I wanna live for you.


	11. Hungry

"Amu," his voice came to my ears in a much darker and deeper tone than I was used to. "You will go upstairs and lay down immediately." I glanced over my shoulder as I continued to stir the soup on the stove. He was all threat and demand, leaning a hard shoulder against the wooden archway that lead in and out of the kitchen and to the front room. His blue eyes were narrowed, a passion behind them that I hadn't seen so bright in a long while that could easily be mixed in with the worry his angular face showed.

"I can't honestly believe that you can make soup. I'm sorry Ikuto, but until this is done I'm not moving from this kitchen." My eyes lingered on his attire, casual. He had come home and changed from his formal 'I'm a musician and since I'm trying to get money for my producers I'll sell myself to you today' attire. A white tee with a thin blue elbow length overcoat, regular faded jeans with a black belt wrapped around the waist, and no socks. No socks were odd, he liked his feet covered except on occasions when he knew they would get in the way.

"You're not doing much better," he said, lifting his chin up just enough to signal over my shoulder. I snapped my neck back around to the soup just in time to see it almost bubbling over. I quickly changed it over to a burner that wasn't on and turned off the other burner. I stirred it and quickly added some of the smaller spices and herbs just to ensure maximum deliciousness before letting it cool. "Now will you go rest?" He asked it impatiently, like I was a small child. That infuriated me.

"No, Ikuto, I won't. So stop pestering me. I'm not so sick that I need constant supervision. I can make my own damn soup and rest as I please. So go find something else to worry over." I glared over my shoulder at him and made a shooing motion with my hand that was free from stirring. His eyes narrowed in return, a glare that would have worried me if I wasn't so snappy already. He was calling a fight, and I would gladly give him one.

"But you are sick-" I interrupted him, loudly, before he could continue anymore.

"Go call your sister. She is constantly nagging me to make you call her. You and Aruto both. I'm not your housekeepers. I'm not your owners. She should find a way to contact you both without having me in the middle of it all." It was one more thing in the day that had landed on my shoulders, and I knew it unfair to be throwing this anger and frustration at Ikuto, loving husband he was (thank god for that), but all this was getting old.

A silence filled the room, and I wasn't exactly sure if he had left or not. I didn't particularly want to look either. I moved about the kitchen, getting the refrigerator ready for the large container of soup that was now cooled enough to be placed in the colder white box under the freezer. When I was done and had little else to do in the kitchen, I finally turned to see Ikuto still standing in the archway. His eyes outlined my body, moving from my pink head of hair to my red painted toenails. I said nothing to him, just shouldered by and walked up to our bedroom. He had been right, I am sick and need my rest. I just get bored in a house while the summer heat gives children off from school and makes Ikuto work long hours. Sometimes I wish during the two month break I could do something more useful than sit around and be a house wife (which was actually a small part of the reason I became a teacher).

My stomach growled with the memory of soup smell, and I instantly regretted not leaving with a bowl to sip at while I sulked in our renovated large bedroom. We hadn't yet decide on children or no children, so with a house with four bedrooms that were all generally the same size, we took a wall out between two and made a large bedroom and left two others for either guests or whenever we decided children was a good idea. My body burned now that it wasn't being compared to a hot pot of soup, and instead laid between two soft, cold sheets. I sighed, feeling the weight of summer break and the flu crashing down on my already pounding head.

I didn't hear him enter, but when the bed tilted and the springs shifted to accommodate him, I wasn't particularly mad he was here. "Here," he said softly, not a hint of our earlier almost-fight lingering in his tone. "It's not apple juice, but I thought you might appreciate it." I tugged myself up, resting against the headboard before holding my hands out to accept what he had to offer. And oh what an offering it was.

Hot chocolate with roasted marshmallows on top. I brought the warm mug to my nose, letting the sent linger. Oh god, he even put peppermint something in it. "You know," I began, taking a small sip of the mixture before continuing, "If I wasn't already married to you, this would be the time I would ask you to be my husband so you can make me this stuff whenever I wanted it." He chuckled in response, a small smile came and went over his features so fast that if one wasn't looking for it, or even knew how to, they wouldn't have caught it. I knew a small gift when I saw it, and that smile was a greater gift than his famous hot chocolate which currently sat between my hands and was the reason for me marrying him a ninth time.

He leaned forward, brushing his lips across my cheek before standing up. "When you're done with that you better be ready. I'm not going to hold back just because you're sick." A blush quickly flooded onto my cheeks from his promise, however dirty or innocent the warning was it still brought an image of two writhing bodies against the other. His laugh followed him down the hall and vanished down the stairs before I had even the right of mind to scream out a name to him that wasn't so vile, but still I knew irritated him.

Oh how right and how wrong the image was, and oh how magnificent his hands were. The magic he could do with them. A quick breath, then a soft moan escaped before I arched myself into his touch. He had already massaged my shoulders and arms, and was currently moving down my body. He was at mid-back when my breath hitched against the knot that he had found in my muscles, then a soft moan released as he soothed and released the painful twist before moving on. "Will you marry me?" I asked, sighing against his touch as he lightly ran his hands down the edges of my spine.

He chuckled, lightly, before he responded. He was concentrating, I knew, and while he was in his zone it often took him longer to think of an answer. It often took him more time to respond when his concentration had to do with my body (a fact I didn't mind at all). "I'm already married to you," he said finally, moving down from my back to one of my legs.

"Can we marry again?" I asked, sighing once more as he ran his fingers against the inside of my thigh, pushing against knots that had built up and relieving them.

"Have you found some new way to get married? I'm sure we've done this five times now," he murmured, just barely holding the conversation.

"I've been reading this really good book series and they get moon sworn. Like, swear their loyalty to each other to the full moon and all. It sounds romantic." Seriously, this man and his hands. They were pure magic against my skin. He could play me just as well as he could his violin, and probably knew my body just as well.

"Sounds interesting," he paused in his movements, just barely using his thumbs in circular motions around my kneecap. "It could really be a, 'down memory lane' or something like that, right?" He went back to rubbing, massaging, and pinching out all the sore in my body.

"No kidding," I laughed, which received a light tap to the bum. Ikuto often said moving around too much during a massage just made all the knots return with a vengeance, so squirming was off limits. Too much and I'd get spanked. Not that it bothered me, he did it more of a reminder (and it never hurt). "You always seemed to appear on a full moon. What's with that?" I scrunched up my face, an itch making its way to my nose.

"It's all in the name," he said, running his fingers around my ankle, then began on massaging my foot. I melted right then and there, not quite remembering what we were talking about, or that I had a small headache or a running nose and a slight fever. I was in bliss. It was silent for a long time. He shifted around and started on my other leg, and by time he got to my other foot I was almost asleep. So relaxed I was, and no one would ever interrupt this wonderful feeling. If someone tried, I'm not sure I had enough fucks to give. I was so, so relaxed.

"Rest well," the words strung together on soft fabric through my mind, a small pressure on my temple, clouds wrapped around me. A dream followed suit. Pink clouds fading from the sunset to a dark, clear night. The wind shifted, however all I saw was the sky. Soon, just as I thought the sky wouldn't change from the dark blue plain canvas, gold began to spark. It grew and swirled, creating the stars and the moon. In its wake came clouds, and soon a ocean of colors and movement bloomed under the sky, a landscape so magnificent any artist would tear and the beauty. I stirred away from it, waking to warmth that wasn't just my own.

Ikuto lay next to me, one arm protectively wrapped around my waist as the other rested under my head. A living pillow that I had easily become used to over the few years of living together then marriage. It was a small comfort that I clung too, especially after a nightmare (however, it had been a very long time since the last nightmare had bloomed in my mind).

A growl rumbled through my stomach, an easy reminder of why I woke. "Husband," I murmured, as I had tried to scoot away from Ikuto but only to be met again by his body lined with mine. "Hungry."

"Wife," he mumbled in his sleep, knowing this conversation well even while unconscious. "Sleeping."

"Husband," I repeated, "Food. Hungry."

"Wife." He paused, sighing deeply through his nose. Cold air fanned out across my neck, a sensation that left me giving a small whimper. "Dreaming of wife."

"Am I nagging again?" I asked, more out of habit than curiosity. It began when this all began (_this_ being us sleeping in the same bed and the origin of sleep talking), and his answer had been 'yes.' I hadn't realized that he was dreaming of a fight we had once, and the answer would vary depending on his dream, but I got quite puffy about it. I kicked him right off the bed. It was obviously the same response I'd given him in our fight, which left his dazed about why I was older and in less clothes than back in my younger years. I was puffy about it for quite some time (a whole whopping five minutes) before he told me the tale and all was good.

"No, not this time," he mumbled back, brushing his lips across my shoulder. "You're yelling though. Pervert. Pervert. Always pervert with you." I laughed at this. Not because it was a shocking response, or because it was funny, just because I probably knew what I was yelling about at that time and what memory he was dreaming of.

"Pervert," I whispered into his ear, which made his face crumple up in slight confusion. Most of the time when he heard the word, my breath on his ear didn't follow, nor a softness in my voice which said the word. It was always interesting to mess with Ikuto while he slept. I knew he did it often with me and I didn't know if I was doomed for not remembering it or blessed.

My stomach gave another loud growl, and at this louder sound Ikuto jumped awake. Confusion flashed around his features, still groggy from sleep, as he looked around the room and finally landed on me. I gave him a small smirk of my own (one I had learned from him over the years), and said, "Husband, hungry."


End file.
